Autism is hard

It is so hard to let mateo do his own thing sometimes. I worry he will get hurt mentally or physically.

Saturday we went to two easter egg hunts.. The first was at the chapel.. about 30 kids , i let him go on his own to get his eggs, he did a wonderful job, i was proud of him and myself for letting him go.
Than we went to the big hunt. Id say over 200 kids.. They had it sectioned off by age groups 0-3 years 4- 6 years and 7-10 years. While my heart said to let him go to the 0-3 years i said no he is 4.. i will let him go to the 4 year olds.. Well the way they ( MWR) worked the 4-6 was they roped off the base ball field, put some eggs out there ( not very many) and the kids were to go out there alone. my 4 year old out with 6 year olds.. i didnt like it, but i sucked it up and let him go.. By the time he got into the field most of the eggs were gone..but he did get one, he put it in his basket, ran and it fell out ( along with a huge chunk of my heart ) Than about 3 minutes later the big kids were taking the eggs out from right in front of him .. Too little eggs too much chaos.. Than he had a break down he started to cry in the middle of the field, i yelled at brian to go get him, when something happened that made me want to cry.. To little kids his age, stopped and started emptying their buckets of eggs into his. HE stopped crying.. Its so heartbreaking to see my kids get hurt... but nathan is smart enough to handle his own, and jared is big enough.. but mateo, he just doesnt have the mental capacity, and it hurts to watch it...it hurts to see that he is so smart in somethings, yet so far behind in others..

I was talking to nathan on the phone the other day, and when i hung up Mateo was upset that he didnt get to talk to nathan, so i called nathan right back up and asked him to speak with his brother.. Normally in this situation older kids will go "noooo i dont wanna " which in turn hurts mateo, and hurts me.. But nope not my kid.. He says ok.. Mateo talked to him, made NO sense at all, and Nathan just talked to him and made him happy. I thanked Nathan.. Who said yep ( kinda like umm thats my brother why wouldnt i talk to him lol) I have to say that Myself and Sandee are pretty damn good moms..and the kids has 2 pretty good dads.

I dunno it just really sucks...