makes me smile

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say...'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin" I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say...'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say...'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say…'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say…'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say...'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say...'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow

Autism is hard

It is so hard to let mateo do his own thing sometimes. I worry he will get hurt mentally or physically.

Saturday we went to two easter egg hunts.. The first was at the chapel.. about 30 kids , i let him go on his own to get his eggs, he did a wonderful job, i was proud of him and myself for letting him go.
Than we went to the big hunt. Id say over 200 kids.. They had it sectioned off by age groups 0-3 years 4- 6 years and 7-10 years. While my heart said to let him go to the 0-3 years i said no he is 4.. i will let him go to the 4 year olds.. Well the way they ( MWR) worked the 4-6 was they roped off the base ball field, put some eggs out there ( not very many) and the kids were to go out there alone. my 4 year old out with 6 year olds.. i didnt like it, but i sucked it up and let him go.. By the time he got into the field most of the eggs were gone..but he did get one, he put it in his basket, ran and it fell out ( along with a huge chunk of my heart ) Than about 3 minutes later the big kids were taking the eggs out from right in front of him .. Too little eggs too much chaos.. Than he had a break down he started to cry in the middle of the field, i yelled at brian to go get him, when something happened that made me want to cry.. To little kids his age, stopped and started emptying their buckets of eggs into his. HE stopped crying.. Its so heartbreaking to see my kids get hurt... but nathan is smart enough to handle his own, and jared is big enough.. but mateo, he just doesnt have the mental capacity, and it hurts to watch it...it hurts to see that he is so smart in somethings, yet so far behind in others..

I was talking to nathan on the phone the other day, and when i hung up Mateo was upset that he didnt get to talk to nathan, so i called nathan right back up and asked him to speak with his brother.. Normally in this situation older kids will go "noooo i dont wanna " which in turn hurts mateo, and hurts me.. But nope not my kid.. He says ok.. Mateo talked to him, made NO sense at all, and Nathan just talked to him and made him happy. I thanked Nathan.. Who said yep ( kinda like umm thats my brother why wouldnt i talk to him lol) I have to say that Myself and Sandee are pretty damn good moms..and the kids has 2 pretty good dads.

I dunno it just really sucks...

Christmas

I often wonder why people celebrate Christmas if they dont believe the story. I have reasons such as, oh well its about family, and what not. Ive have heard awful reasons that make me cringe. In the end , why do we have Christmas, because of Jesus, our savior. To take away from that is well just a disrespect. Why top your tree with an angel if you don't believe. We will start a new tradition this year, and read the story, so my children can remember it is not about GIFTS ( while they are nice) it is about a little baby who would be raised to become our saviour, he was a gift from god.

Now with that being said, whats up with the tree lol. Who decided HEY lets decorate a tree with funny looking balls, and were gonna put lights on it too. Must have been some one very drunk, or just out of it.

to the conclusion

I have come to the conclusion, that Autism dosent matter to my son, so why do I let if affect me. I was ( and still am) so very proud of Mateo and how far he has come, yet when I put him next to a child his own age, I get sad. How i want for him to be able to imagine like the other children, for them not to call him stupid for laughing at the oddest things, for them to not make fun of him for not being potty trained. He is too young to notice it right now, but it still hurts me to see it. There are not any support groups near by, and the random people i have spoken with dont think that I am good enough because my son is low on the Spectrum. I didnt know the world was so trival that i am now judged because of where my son stands on the spec. How sad is that.